You know i've never believed that you can't change people. I'm sure some people have a problem with me thinking that for some reason, but you know what? You can't change me.
I've been meaning to start putting random things like that here. I set them at my status messages but they belong here more. Anyways, so much has happened. I also think i'll finally be able to write about more than that dammed girl.
Well, i got really desperate and decided to do the only thing left to do. Go to her. Not talking to her wasn't working out so i decided to see if she could help. Well, that failed miserably. I just couldn't open up. We talked for like an hour, but we didn't really talk.
That was on the Friday before the last vacation, on April 18th, and there was a picnic thing that people were at that i figured i'd show up to in an attempt to be social or something. Well, on the way there, Robin and Dan A came to greet me and could probably tell how distressed i looked. Dan asked if i needed a hug and he gave me half of one. I almost cried. They didn't see though.
I hung around people for a bit. I just stood there. It sucked. Then Anne gave Robin and me a ride home.
So then i got even worse. I was even more hopeless and depressed.
Backtracking a bit, there was this mysterious girl who i'd seen in the halls a lot. She is insanely cute. She'd even gotten the nickname TGG with Caleb for "Tasty Goth Girl" (think TCW "Tasty Coma Wife" from Scrubs). Well, one night (or 1 in the morning) Janling called me and we talked about life sucking. We were on the phone for like 4 hours but somewhere in there i mentioned this mysterious girl and she knew who i was talking about. Brittany Sanford was the name she gave me.
I looked on Facebook (fucking Facebook is taking over), and sure enough, it was her. I saw that she had an honesty box and Janling said i should act like a secret admirer. Secretly, i wanted to anyways but i needed her to tell me to so it was like i didn't.
This is how it went (keep in mind she doesn't see who they are from):
Me: You are so cute.
Her: thank you!
Me: I'm sure you get that all the time from everyone. We have never met so i don't think you know me. Nice to meet you :)
Her: well can i have your name?
and i do get that a lot, but i also get some really mean shit.
rofl it's great :D
Me: but then it wouldn't be a mystery
Her: >< fine.
And that was that.
Back to being depressed as ever. I was on the cape and i was going to go home 4 days early (because i wanted to) and i just got really hyper. I'm not sure if it had to do with TGG at all but maybe it did. At some point-- i don't really remember the chronology of this stuff now-- i talked to Sam and Wayne who i saw were mutual friends of ours (Brittany and me) on Facebook. As soon as i saw Wayne was friends with her and the number of posts on her wall i knew that he liked her. He's pretty predictable. Talking to Sam, she warned me of the dangers of liking Brittany. She also told me thai Wayne liked Brittany, but i alraedy figured that out. Talking to Wayne, i actually tried helping him with Brittany. Then i asked her out for him. I genuinely tried to get her to say yes but i can't deny that i did use it as an excuse to talk to her. Well, this is how it all started:
(10:02:28 PM) danny.piccirillo@gmail.com: hey, a friend of mine wants to ask you to go to new ginza with him but he's too scared
(10:02:33 PM) danny.piccirillo@gmail.com: before you ask who-- Wayne
(10:02:41 PM) xxx myaku: I LOVE THAT PLACE
(10:02:47 PM) xxx myaku: but i don't wanna date him or anything :[
Even though the conversation started out with me asking her out for Wayne, and even though i told her towards the beginning of the conversation about Jazzy, by the end of it, we were pretty clearly flirting.
Out of nowhere, in the middle of the conversation she says:
(11:36:44 PM) xxx myaku: -sigh-
(11:36:46 PM) danny.piccirillo@gmail.com: okay so
(11:36:50 PM) xxx myaku: give me a hug when i see you k?
(11:36:51 PM) xxx myaku: k.
The best thing is how she answered for me.
So this was the Wednesday of vacation, my first full-day home alone. I'd be home alone until Saturday. Well, we continued talking, and flirting, and yeah. I was afraid i'd crash from the hyper-ness that started on the cape and get depressed again, because that's how it's happened in the past, but i didn't. I've talked to her everyday since then.
So at some point on Thursday she told me something and i told her i had a plan. It was a surprise. I don't remember what it was i was doing this for, but i felt like doing something crazy. I calculated that if i woke up at 7 and was ready at 8 i would have until 1 to make brownies. That's 5 hours and enough to make 6-8 batches. She has physical therapy for scoliosis from like 1:30-2:30 i think but i had to bike so i knew it would take me at least an hour to get there. She lives all the way in Needham over 7 miles away.
I went to count all the brownie mix in my house, but all that brownie mix that i thought that i had turned out to be cake mix which isn't nearly as easy to transport, nor is it as delicious. So i decided i'd just have to pick up brownie mix in the morning. Friday morning, i biked down to the Newton Corner Mart and picked up the two batches of mix they had left and figured i'd start making those two first and then bike to Shaws in Newtonville to pick up another six packs. Turns out i didn't have any eggs either. Oh well. So i go and pick that stuff up and i bake it all except for one batch because i ran out of eggs. I bike all the way to her house and even get lost on the way. I even left a little late. The bags were heavy and hard to steer with. The bags picked up the wind a lot.
Anyway, i get to her street and give her a call. I ask her if she wants to some outside. She asks why. "Because i'm outside!" i exclaimed. She came out to meet me and we walked down to this grassy field outside of an elementary school. I was really nervous. When she realized she had no makeup on she tried to hide but i told her it didn't matter. I liked her without makeup. Then we fought about the brownies for a while. She refused to take them! She had told her grandparents she had just gone out for a walk and there was no way for her to sneak in two huge bags of brownies. She promised me she'd take them in school on Monday though. We only got to hang out for half an hour but it was worth it. Then i biked back...with all the brownies.
I worried a lot about whether i was getting into this for the wrong reasons or whether i really liked her. She doesn't seem to be my type, she's sorta crazy, i'm desparate, this felt almost shallow, etc, etc. I thought it out and talked to people about it and they made me realize that i was overthinking it. I
do like her and that's it. Sure, things aren't deep and meaningful right now but this is what you build a relationship from.
Monday comes around and she presents me with a suprise that she had prepared for me. It was a pink stuffed snake that she made. Very cool haha. I gave her the brownies and she gave one bag to Matt and took the other one with her.
My family was leaving me home alone from Wednesday to Saturday because they were going to Florida. I made plans with Brittany for her to come over on Saturday. Then we had to reschedule for Friday because i had SATs on Saturday (which i later found out i registered for June). So on Friday we wait for the bus for 45 minutes and it doesn't come. I end up having to call my grandma for her to give us a ride. We'd lost an hour and it was around 3:30 (probably later) when we finally made it to my house. The movie that she was originally coming over to watch, but we wouldn't have been able to anyways because of the time we lost from waiting for the bus, hadn't arrived at my hosue anyways so we had nothing to do. She thought the house was huge so i showed her around.
We settled in the living room and cuddled for a bit and were like falling asleep. Then around 40 minutes before she had to go, so around 4:20, i brought up the surprise. She had forgotten about it and then she got really excited and she said she was nervous. I brought her to the dining room and told her to close her eyes. I presented her with the cake which said "Will You Go Out With Me" on the frosting using pixie sticks. She loved it!
She took a picture of it and gave me a huge hug and said yes (of course). So we had some cake and sat there for a little while and then she came and sat on my lap. I wasn't planning on kissing her. I wanted to take things really slow. I could tell she was looking for a kiss. It was really hard not to. I wanted to. I think she thought i was going for a kiss and she started to go for one but i avoided it and went for her cheek. Then i was like, "fuck it," (no, i didn't say that out loud) and we kissed.
It was really great actually. Then she led me back to the living room. We made out on the couch for like an hour and she was trembling. I mean raelly shaking all over. I asked her if she needed a break and she said yeah so i held her for a few minutes while she regained herself. It was amazing. So we made out more and she asked me if she could give me a blowjob. I said not yet because i didn't want to move too fast.
Well, we made our way to the floor and she said, "That guy's gotta come out." I was nervous, but i felt ready. It came out. Mostly, i was in utter disbelief at what was happening. I couldn't even tell it was happening at first. I had to look down and see that holy crap my penis is in her mouth!!! It wasn't anything like i thought it would be. It was great though. It was a lot gentler than a handjob, much moreso than i expted. After a minute she stopped and said, "You're
huge," which, needless to say, made me feel absolutely great abuot myself!
Around twenty minutes later was the, shall we say, big moment. I tell her i'm about to cum and she just keeps on sucking. She swallows! So hott. She even licks up all the aftermath. After i got my pants back on all the way, there was some i'd gotten on my shirt and she licked it off. She told me that was her first time with cum. I was curious but didn't want to ask about that.
Later i found out from her that she's only given head to her ex-boyfriend Julian who hasn't bit puberty. That explains both her "first time with cum" and her "you're huge" comment.
Then we made out more and she put my hand on her boob but she made me stop after a little while because she was getting too horny and she had already extended the time she could stay until at least twice to 7 and it was alraedy that time. Then she said she had just came too. It was amazing.
