So today's my day with Jazzy. I'm going to Johnny's with her at 5 then we're weeing 300 in IMAX at 7:25. It should be fun. With Johnny's + 300 + IMAX, how could it not be, right?
Lets sum up yesterday- well, i made it through school. I've felt like such a phony for the past couple of days. On Wednesday i went to the library during lunch to work on the English presentation with Molly and somehow we ended up staying through 2nd and 3rd lunch and i didn't realize. I went back to class and i thought i was early until Molly pointed out that lunch block was almost over. I realized what had happened and i freaked out. I couldn't just waltz back into the classroom without a pass. That would give me an incomplete for the term! I had to go the Mr. Sheehan and he wrote me a pass which said that i was with him during both lunches.
It was bad enough that i was lying to my math teacher by giving her the pass but then she asked me if i was okay and i nodded and said yes with that terrible feeling in my gut because she actually cared and i had just blown off her class. What difference does it make? I've been doing this all my life. I put everything off. I owe everyone, including myself, a little more than this. I'm terrible.
Now, i've been telling everybody that the scabs on my knuckles are from a fall. Whenever they ask how i ended up cutting my knuckles by falling i just say that i tripped outside of the school and my thumb got caught under my backpack strap.
Well, i made it through term 3 with zero incompletes! Well, i hope so anyways...
After school i had to do another one of those evaluation things and then i waited for Jazzy because she said she'd meet me after x-block but not very surprisingly she forgot. I wasn't too mad though. I mean i've always kind of expected it, this time i just more accepted it too, i guess. She seemed like she was trying to get away from me after school when i was asking about what was going on. I wasn't even 'interrogating' her but maybe she was actually in a rush and not just to get away from me.
She gave me a ride home then Dan called and i went to his house a bit before six. I couldn't get in touch with Eli at all. He ended up at Liv's house where Jazzy and everyone was. I knew he would. He blew me off and i was a little mad. Okay i was pretty mad. He forgot about me and didn't call me until like 7:30 from Liv's house. It was okay though. I couldn't be mad for long. 'Scoot.' It's cool Eli, but you really have to stop doing this. I didn't mind too much but i've talked to people and you make some people feel really bad because of it. It's just really uncool. You've gotta work on it, man. BUT, me and Eli discovered that we fit together like puzzle pieces. He has a crevasse and i have a little nubbin or bone sticking out of the middle of my chest so they fit! Only not really but kind of :P
What the fuck is with me? Have i really sunken to this level? How could our relationship get fucked up this badly over a little flirting and miscommunication? So she's not always completely open, and she twists the truth. We can fix that can't we? I believe that there isn't anything that can't be forgiven. I forgave her for wasting her first kiss on Sleaze Wyler, i mean Sam. And then being all over Josh at Eden's birthday party and then at dance and allowing him to get his tongue in her mouth before she pulled away. I've forgiven her for all the things she's done with those people who i hated most and yet i get tied up here? I guess the question is, can anything be fixed if it is always forgiven?
I realized another reason on top of not sleeping and being a lousy writer that makes this blog so confusing: I always start posts and save them to finish later when i have time so everything end up getting mixed up and stuff. I'll try and work on that.
Lets sum up yesterday- well, i made it through school. I've felt like such a phony for the past couple of days. On Wednesday i went to the library during lunch to work on the English presentation with Molly and somehow we ended up staying through 2nd and 3rd lunch and i didn't realize. I went back to class and i thought i was early until Molly pointed out that lunch block was almost over. I realized what had happened and i freaked out. I couldn't just waltz back into the classroom without a pass. That would give me an incomplete for the term! I had to go the Mr. Sheehan and he wrote me a pass which said that i was with him during both lunches.
It was bad enough that i was lying to my math teacher by giving her the pass but then she asked me if i was okay and i nodded and said yes with that terrible feeling in my gut because she actually cared and i had just blown off her class. What difference does it make? I've been doing this all my life. I put everything off. I owe everyone, including myself, a little more than this. I'm terrible.
Now, i've been telling everybody that the scabs on my knuckles are from a fall. Whenever they ask how i ended up cutting my knuckles by falling i just say that i tripped outside of the school and my thumb got caught under my backpack strap.
Well, i made it through term 3 with zero incompletes! Well, i hope so anyways...
After school i had to do another one of those evaluation things and then i waited for Jazzy because she said she'd meet me after x-block but not very surprisingly she forgot. I wasn't too mad though. I mean i've always kind of expected it, this time i just more accepted it too, i guess. She seemed like she was trying to get away from me after school when i was asking about what was going on. I wasn't even 'interrogating' her but maybe she was actually in a rush and not just to get away from me.
She gave me a ride home then Dan called and i went to his house a bit before six. I couldn't get in touch with Eli at all. He ended up at Liv's house where Jazzy and everyone was. I knew he would. He blew me off and i was a little mad. Okay i was pretty mad. He forgot about me and didn't call me until like 7:30 from Liv's house. It was okay though. I couldn't be mad for long. 'Scoot.' It's cool Eli, but you really have to stop doing this. I didn't mind too much but i've talked to people and you make some people feel really bad because of it. It's just really uncool. You've gotta work on it, man. BUT, me and Eli discovered that we fit together like puzzle pieces. He has a crevasse and i have a little nubbin or bone sticking out of the middle of my chest so they fit! Only not really but kind of :P
What the fuck is with me? Have i really sunken to this level? How could our relationship get fucked up this badly over a little flirting and miscommunication? So she's not always completely open, and she twists the truth. We can fix that can't we? I believe that there isn't anything that can't be forgiven. I forgave her for wasting her first kiss on Sleaze Wyler, i mean Sam. And then being all over Josh at Eden's birthday party and then at dance and allowing him to get his tongue in her mouth before she pulled away. I've forgiven her for all the things she's done with those people who i hated most and yet i get tied up here? I guess the question is, can anything be fixed if it is always forgiven?
I realized another reason on top of not sleeping and being a lousy writer that makes this blog so confusing: I always start posts and save them to finish later when i have time so everything end up getting mixed up and stuff. I'll try and work on that.
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