No. 86

So the fictionpress link to "Awake In a Dream" that i posted before was to a version that preceded the one that i posted here on the  blog (and the copies that i had on my computer). The difference was it was missing the lines,

In tears you passed though me
And I could bear it no longer
The strain too great for my head
I needed to feel you and hold you once more
And then it'd be fine
And I could drop dead
I could fall asleep
Finally just for it all to end
Dead asleep in this dream
Never to wake up.

but here's the "edited" version. It has three reviews.

sunscraped. (2005-01-08): "Yeah, she's right... you could replace it with slip away? Hmm... tough one. Very nice poem, I might add. Good work... Now I need to review your others. Hey, I typed it right. Finally...~!"

Sat Hari (2005-01-11): "WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD? did you eat magic beans? if you did, gimme some, fast...

i still think you should change the drop dead, but its still amazingly good. i trade you some chicken for some magic beans..."

and if theyy get me
 (2005-01-17): "AH damn you! youre so good!! awesome poem!! yah.. the drop dead is too... well...drop dead. give it some elegance. i tihnk slip away is a good idea too. or something like lie down...idk... whatever its good"

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/1799754/1/Awake_In_A_Dream_edited (01-04-05)