This next one i had to change because it was so messy. I didn't do anything major. I just capitalized each line and fixed spelling-- i didn't even bother with the punctuation. Two reviews.
and if theyy get me (2005-04-07): "danny, u kick **. major cookies points for you. this is awesome, scary, but an amazing piece of writing. im so happy youre writing again :D!"
Sat Hari (2005-04-09): "whoa...really good...and great vocabulary, and also all too true. you might want to go through it again just to change typos and crap. also, you mean "whether" not "weather" "
Modified: Sat 09 Apr 2005 07:40:20 PM EDT
http://www.fictionpress.com/s/1879872/1/smog (04-07-05)
An important warning note to the people of today to save the people of tomorrow
Oh look tonight
Through the misty sky
A heavy fog
But my throat is dry
The moon tonight glows an orangey red
From the window I watch
For it's not safe to go outside
For any more than the half an hour
Your regulator allows you out
The clean up projects have all failed
The world is a mess
We're all trapped inside
While most everything outside dies
We know we will all die
It is past recovery and all projects have failed
Our once needed sun
Now kills us
Some of us cant take it and let ourselves die
Some of us wait
Some of us go crazy
But all of us cry
Whether or not we show it
We miss our beautiful world
That we never got to see
We've only heard stories
And maybe a few of the elders claim they've seen the clean time
But in total theres probably none who really know
They're just old,
Well,
They're old and full of stories
Some don't believe the stories
But there are documents proving them true
Some can't do anything but blame past generations for our caged lifestyle
The world is worn out and down
By past presidents
And wars
Apathetic industrializers
Ignorance and idiocracy
Greed and corruption
The world is over-churned
So,
Why does the moon shine
In its orangey glow
This glow tonight
Just like every other night
Eerie
The stars no longer shine so bright
Do the gods hate us?
Have we done wrong?
Is hell taking over?
Is there a dark magic?
Oh no,
This was our doing.
Its just pollution.
Through the misty sky
A heavy fog
But my throat is dry
The moon tonight glows an orangey red
From the window I watch
For it's not safe to go outside
For any more than the half an hour
Your regulator allows you out
The clean up projects have all failed
The world is a mess
We're all trapped inside
While most everything outside dies
We know we will all die
It is past recovery and all projects have failed
Our once needed sun
Now kills us
Some of us cant take it and let ourselves die
Some of us wait
Some of us go crazy
But all of us cry
Whether or not we show it
We miss our beautiful world
That we never got to see
We've only heard stories
And maybe a few of the elders claim they've seen the clean time
But in total theres probably none who really know
They're just old,
Well,
They're old and full of stories
Some don't believe the stories
But there are documents proving them true
Some can't do anything but blame past generations for our caged lifestyle
The world is worn out and down
By past presidents
And wars
Apathetic industrializers
Ignorance and idiocracy
Greed and corruption
The world is over-churned
So,
Why does the moon shine
In its orangey glow
This glow tonight
Just like every other night
Eerie
The stars no longer shine so bright
Do the gods hate us?
Have we done wrong?
Is hell taking over?
Is there a dark magic?
Oh no,
This was our doing.
Its just pollution.
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