Again, Jazzy tried to hide that she was trying to do stuff with Eli today. She's done this with other people like Joe and Isaak who i already mentioned but above all she does it whenever she has any sort of plans with Eli. I talked to Eli today and he pointed out that Jazzy doesn't seem to be completely honest, something i've already taken into consideration. I mentioned how on Monday i was in bed all day and on the phone with Jazzy i broke down. Well i had asked her if she would like anybody else and she told me she wouldn't for a while. Now, the question i wished that i had asked is, then is this something that is going to last long enough for her to stat liking somebody else? She's told me that she wants things to work and that she believes that they can but she has always told me what i want to hear, but always acted differently. It seems as though she makes a decision to believe something, or think or feel a certain way, but may not necessarily actually be true to it. Instead, she convinces herself of it but acts upon how she truly feels inside. It's sad. I haven't cried today. I don't think i will. I always feel like crying, but there's no way to weep away this pain. I need to hold it together, and do what i can for Jazzy. I have to show her who i am and try to make things right. I want her to like me again-- and i mean really, actually, genuinely like me. I have no other choice, as much as this will kill me, it is all i can do. It is what i must do.
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