*Warning! Long post ahead! This entry may contain mushyness and boring babbling.*
So we have a complicated relationship, Jazzy and i. We always manage to end up like this. This time was supposed to be it though...this wasn't supposed to happen again, but yet again, we have ended up here, single and not happy about it. This time started off so well. It began after a half a year period of not speaking and avoiding all contact-- more me avoiding her than vice versa. Over that span of time i couldn't bear the thought of her. To me she was just someone who had, and would continue to hurt me with her indiscriminate affection towards nearly everyone.
Once i started loosening up and began speaking to her again, i couldn't deny myself any longer that i was still in love with her. Mushy mushy, i know :P Anyways, it was at Larz Anderson park that we came to realize that we each still held these strong but delicate feelings for each other. She had taken me there as a surprise because she had never been there before and i had previously mentioned to her how pleasing it was and how i enjoyed being there. It really is a nice place-- tranquil and beautiful and such a wonderful atmosphere.
We didn't kiss. We didn't hold hands. We didn't even give a real hug. The touch barrier was broken though and we got close, something i hadn't allowed in a while without backing away, shrugging her off, or even half cringing. I was getting over Lily, someone who i have gone to school with for four years, but never met until this year (school year, that is), and she was getting over Atenia.
Since then, a lot of things have come between us. First, she's somewhat of a flirt and that got to me a lot. I'm still not sure she is fully aware of this blaring characteristic of hers. I found out that she had dated Eli over the summer for a while. I wasn't too worried by this at this point. Since we had split off on our own ways, Robin and her disbanded from our circle of friends and joined with Liv, Marg, Eli, Jonah, Lucas, etc.
Over the summer while we weren't speaking, i heard a game of strip poker with her mentioned that i didn't care to hear any more about. Donnie, Berman, and i had played a few games of strip Mario Kart (yeah, we're that cool) but don't worry, we didn't see each others' special parts :P Since we had began that tradition, we'd experimented once with poker but somehow i got left out of this circle and they began playing with other people.
It was the night of the Wii campout that i found out the details of this particular game of strip poker from which i had been excluded. I was dating Jazzy at this time. It was November 19th (the Wii came out on the 20th) and i was camping out in front of the BestBuy with Donnie and Berman. Somehow Donnie mentioned seeing Jazzy naked. I've had previous experiences with Donnie lying about getting action from Jazzy.
At Eden Dotan's Bat Mitzvah, i was dating Robin at this time and Jazzy was my ex. Jazzy and Donnie were flirting off the walls and later Jazzy reported to me that Donnie had been really sweet to her that night. I explained to her what side of the story he presented me-- He took me into the bathroom and told me that the two of them hooked up when they went for a walk around the building and that she had felt around his crotch and stuff. Many days later i found out that he had invented the story.
This time though, Berman gave Donnie a look and was like "What?" and he was like oh yeah...we're not supposed to talk about that. Berman was like yeah and then they were like whatever. So clearly, there was more truth to Donnie's story this time. I was stuck there with them for 15 hours waiting for the store to open. From what i gathered from the two of them, they played strip poker with Jazzy in Berman's basement and they were my two best friends and she was my ex (at the time that they played). She was topless and she may have had panties on. I didn't know what to do. I walked behind the building a bunch of times and just cried.
Turns out she was topless but she was mostly covered by her hands or something but whatever. She did have underwear on and her pants were only partway down. I couldn't believe that Berman didn't object to Donnie's exaggerations. The both of them were harassing me and rubbing it in my face the entire night. I didn't sleep a wink. they took a nap or two while i watched our belongings. Either way, i did not go over finding that out very well.
I talked to Jazzy about it and at first she was all like "I can't be sorry for that" but then i guess i got her to come around and be sorry but i was still uncomfortable for a while. I just couldn't believe she would do that. It completely contributed to my conception of her while we weren't talking over the summer, a flirty sleaze.
I got over that stuff but then she began flirting with Eli and my alert mode clicked on. I became so consumed in my worries. I talked to her about it and three times she promised me that she would do something about it. It wasn't fair to me and she was leading Eli on so much. He still isn't over her. Three times she admitted that she was doing, acknowledged that it was wrong and unfair, and she pledged thrice that she wouldn't let it continue. Nothing ever changed aside from the level of awkwardness and tension between the three of us when we were together. So i confronted her another time and this time she wouldn't take it at all. She was tired of having me worry and stress al the time over shit.
I guess how i display my emotions can sometimes be very misleading but still...i can't help but feel this is more her failure to take the necessary measures to keep the relationship ripe. Apparently Eli's experience wasn't much more successful in the same light. I think this is something her and i can definitely work through...or, as much as i hate to say this, her and Eli depending on how things play out.
I'm getting tired so i'm going to get some work done so i can hang out with Jazzy in Harvard Square tomorrow. I talked to her on the phone last night and she came over today. We're pretty special like that. Sorry for the long post. It wasn't too detailed so i'll go over more stuff as i keep blogging.
So we have a complicated relationship, Jazzy and i. We always manage to end up like this. This time was supposed to be it though...this wasn't supposed to happen again, but yet again, we have ended up here, single and not happy about it. This time started off so well. It began after a half a year period of not speaking and avoiding all contact-- more me avoiding her than vice versa. Over that span of time i couldn't bear the thought of her. To me she was just someone who had, and would continue to hurt me with her indiscriminate affection towards nearly everyone.
Once i started loosening up and began speaking to her again, i couldn't deny myself any longer that i was still in love with her. Mushy mushy, i know :P Anyways, it was at Larz Anderson park that we came to realize that we each still held these strong but delicate feelings for each other. She had taken me there as a surprise because she had never been there before and i had previously mentioned to her how pleasing it was and how i enjoyed being there. It really is a nice place-- tranquil and beautiful and such a wonderful atmosphere.
We didn't kiss. We didn't hold hands. We didn't even give a real hug. The touch barrier was broken though and we got close, something i hadn't allowed in a while without backing away, shrugging her off, or even half cringing. I was getting over Lily, someone who i have gone to school with for four years, but never met until this year (school year, that is), and she was getting over Atenia.
Since then, a lot of things have come between us. First, she's somewhat of a flirt and that got to me a lot. I'm still not sure she is fully aware of this blaring characteristic of hers. I found out that she had dated Eli over the summer for a while. I wasn't too worried by this at this point. Since we had split off on our own ways, Robin and her disbanded from our circle of friends and joined with Liv, Marg, Eli, Jonah, Lucas, etc.
Over the summer while we weren't speaking, i heard a game of strip poker with her mentioned that i didn't care to hear any more about. Donnie, Berman, and i had played a few games of strip Mario Kart (yeah, we're that cool) but don't worry, we didn't see each others' special parts :P Since we had began that tradition, we'd experimented once with poker but somehow i got left out of this circle and they began playing with other people.
It was the night of the Wii campout that i found out the details of this particular game of strip poker from which i had been excluded. I was dating Jazzy at this time. It was November 19th (the Wii came out on the 20th) and i was camping out in front of the BestBuy with Donnie and Berman. Somehow Donnie mentioned seeing Jazzy naked. I've had previous experiences with Donnie lying about getting action from Jazzy.
At Eden Dotan's Bat Mitzvah, i was dating Robin at this time and Jazzy was my ex. Jazzy and Donnie were flirting off the walls and later Jazzy reported to me that Donnie had been really sweet to her that night. I explained to her what side of the story he presented me-- He took me into the bathroom and told me that the two of them hooked up when they went for a walk around the building and that she had felt around his crotch and stuff. Many days later i found out that he had invented the story.
This time though, Berman gave Donnie a look and was like "What?" and he was like oh yeah...we're not supposed to talk about that. Berman was like yeah and then they were like whatever. So clearly, there was more truth to Donnie's story this time. I was stuck there with them for 15 hours waiting for the store to open. From what i gathered from the two of them, they played strip poker with Jazzy in Berman's basement and they were my two best friends and she was my ex (at the time that they played). She was topless and she may have had panties on. I didn't know what to do. I walked behind the building a bunch of times and just cried.
Turns out she was topless but she was mostly covered by her hands or something but whatever. She did have underwear on and her pants were only partway down. I couldn't believe that Berman didn't object to Donnie's exaggerations. The both of them were harassing me and rubbing it in my face the entire night. I didn't sleep a wink. they took a nap or two while i watched our belongings. Either way, i did not go over finding that out very well.
I talked to Jazzy about it and at first she was all like "I can't be sorry for that" but then i guess i got her to come around and be sorry but i was still uncomfortable for a while. I just couldn't believe she would do that. It completely contributed to my conception of her while we weren't talking over the summer, a flirty sleaze.
I got over that stuff but then she began flirting with Eli and my alert mode clicked on. I became so consumed in my worries. I talked to her about it and three times she promised me that she would do something about it. It wasn't fair to me and she was leading Eli on so much. He still isn't over her. Three times she admitted that she was doing, acknowledged that it was wrong and unfair, and she pledged thrice that she wouldn't let it continue. Nothing ever changed aside from the level of awkwardness and tension between the three of us when we were together. So i confronted her another time and this time she wouldn't take it at all. She was tired of having me worry and stress al the time over shit.
I guess how i display my emotions can sometimes be very misleading but still...i can't help but feel this is more her failure to take the necessary measures to keep the relationship ripe. Apparently Eli's experience wasn't much more successful in the same light. I think this is something her and i can definitely work through...or, as much as i hate to say this, her and Eli depending on how things play out.
I'm getting tired so i'm going to get some work done so i can hang out with Jazzy in Harvard Square tomorrow. I talked to her on the phone last night and she came over today. We're pretty special like that. Sorry for the long post. It wasn't too detailed so i'll go over more stuff as i keep blogging.
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