No. 3

So it's been hard. Jazzy came over to my house after school yesterday. She walked over and we hung out for a while. We clicked better yesterday than we have in a long while and it was really hard for me to hold it together. It was bittersweet, a word i mostly try to avoid using. I walked her to Robin's and then she asked for a hug. We both started crying. She broke up with me on Thursday after school. I knew she was going to. I've cried a lot, but i've also held back a lot and i feel ready to break at any second. I still haven't cried as much as the time she wanted to go on a break. It only lasted a day because we always click so well without the tension of dating-- or maybe it's just the fact that we aren't together that brings us together.

I've been trying so hard just to figure out how i am going to deal with this. I stayed home on Friday from school because i just wouldn't be able to hold it together. I'm in that state where almost anything can make you break down into tears. She's asked me so many times if i'm okay. I tell her again and again that i am...but every time she asks i just focus on not falling a part and i tell her i am okay. She says that she is okay too but goddammit-- i am not at all okay.